The Month of May

The month of May is a pretty big deal at the Power House. I met Sean for the first time in May, and knew instantly that he would change my life. I didn't quite know how, but I knew he would do it. And he did. In the most beautiful way possible. We moved in together in May. The next May we got married. And that same May we bought our first house (my first house ever). The next May we took off. Everyone needs a break on occasion. And then, last May, we had Lauren Rebecca Power. And our lives changed forever, in the best way possible. Last May we learned what it was like to love someone so much that you wake up in the middle of the night panicked that she might not be breathing, and then feel such an overwhelming sense of joy and relief when you figure out that she is. We learned what it was like to not care that we weren't sleeping, because all that mattered was that that little tiny creature in the next room was alive and well, even if she was wide awake and crying. We learned to feel such pride when that little girl rolled over the first time, smiled, laughed, sat up by herself, and got her first teeth. We learned that what life was really about, at least for us, was sharing our love and our life with our baby.

May is also the month for Mother's Day, and the month that my Mom died. This year they happened to fall on the same day, which has happened before. My mom died eight years ago, which is far too long to be without a mother. Every other year I've been very sad on this day, but this year was different. Technically I was a mother last year, but I was six days post-birth, sleep deprived, and not thinking about much except surviving. This year I was able to take a step back and give this anniversary some thought.

Sean will be quick to point out that he was the one pushing for a baby. It's not that I didn't want a baby, I wanted one so badly, but I wanted to make sure that Sean and I had some married time to ourselves first. Because as important as Lauren is to us, it's just as important for Sean and I to love each other, and for Lauren to see that we love each other. Just yesterday I was holding Lauren and gave Sean a kiss, and Lauren flashed the biggest smile, like she appreciated that we liked each other.

But back to having a baby. You see, for those of you who didn't know my mom, all she ever wanted to be was a mom. And her greatest accomplishment in life was being a mother. She worked as we were growing up, had lots of friends and lots of hobbies and interests, but most importantly she was a mom. And a damn good one. I can say without a doubt that I got more out of having Becky Auxter as a mother for 22 years than most people get in a lifetime. Without a doubt. So this May instead of being sad I was thankful for the opportunity to be a mother to one Ms. Lauren Rebecca Power, and for the opportunity to know and love my mom in an entirely different way, because although I always knew that she loved me more than any other human was capable of loving, now that I'm a mom myself I can see it in an entirely different light.

Thank you, Mom, for teaching me by example how to be the best possible mom I can be. While I would rather have you here, sharing this with me in person, this May I figured out that what is really important is that you provided me all of the skills I need to do this right, before I ever even knew that I needed them. Mom, you are missed, and you are loved. And although Lauren will never meet you, she will know you and love you, too. Through Lauren I get to know you all over again, and for that I am so thankful.