The Month of May

The month of May is a pretty big deal at the Power House. I met Sean for the first time in May, and knew instantly that he would change my life. I didn't quite know how, but I knew he would do it. And he did. In the most beautiful way possible. We moved in together in May. The next May we got married. And that same May we bought our first house (my first house ever). The next May we took off. Everyone needs a break on occasion. And then, last May, we had Lauren Rebecca Power. And our lives changed forever, in the best way possible. Last May we learned what it was like to love someone so much that you wake up in the middle of the night panicked that she might not be breathing, and then feel such an overwhelming sense of joy and relief when you figure out that she is. We learned what it was like to not care that we weren't sleeping, because all that mattered was that that little tiny creature in the next room was alive and well, even if she was wide awake and crying. We learned to feel such pride when that little girl rolled over the first time, smiled, laughed, sat up by herself, and got her first teeth. We learned that what life was really about, at least for us, was sharing our love and our life with our baby.

May is also the month for Mother's Day, and the month that my Mom died. This year they happened to fall on the same day, which has happened before. My mom died eight years ago, which is far too long to be without a mother. Every other year I've been very sad on this day, but this year was different. Technically I was a mother last year, but I was six days post-birth, sleep deprived, and not thinking about much except surviving. This year I was able to take a step back and give this anniversary some thought.

Sean will be quick to point out that he was the one pushing for a baby. It's not that I didn't want a baby, I wanted one so badly, but I wanted to make sure that Sean and I had some married time to ourselves first. Because as important as Lauren is to us, it's just as important for Sean and I to love each other, and for Lauren to see that we love each other. Just yesterday I was holding Lauren and gave Sean a kiss, and Lauren flashed the biggest smile, like she appreciated that we liked each other.

But back to having a baby. You see, for those of you who didn't know my mom, all she ever wanted to be was a mom. And her greatest accomplishment in life was being a mother. She worked as we were growing up, had lots of friends and lots of hobbies and interests, but most importantly she was a mom. And a damn good one. I can say without a doubt that I got more out of having Becky Auxter as a mother for 22 years than most people get in a lifetime. Without a doubt. So this May instead of being sad I was thankful for the opportunity to be a mother to one Ms. Lauren Rebecca Power, and for the opportunity to know and love my mom in an entirely different way, because although I always knew that she loved me more than any other human was capable of loving, now that I'm a mom myself I can see it in an entirely different light.

Thank you, Mom, for teaching me by example how to be the best possible mom I can be. While I would rather have you here, sharing this with me in person, this May I figured out that what is really important is that you provided me all of the skills I need to do this right, before I ever even knew that I needed them. Mom, you are missed, and you are loved. And although Lauren will never meet you, she will know you and love you, too. Through Lauren I get to know you all over again, and for that I am so thankful.

Swim Lessons

We recently finished up Lauren's first round of swimming lessons. She did so great. She was cautious about the water at first (she's a cautious baby, after all), but was an absolute natural. She has the most natural kick I've ever seen (and remember I used to teach swimming lessons for a living, folks). She like to stick her face in, and although she just swallowed water instead of blowing bubbles, we'll get there. She also tolerated going under. She wasn't giddy crazy about any of it, but she didn't ever cry, which was good. We're going to call Round 1 of swimming lessons a success.

Lauren is One!

We had Lauren's First Birthday Party on Sunday, May 2nd. Aunt Arie, Great Grandma Erma, Grandpa Auxter, Terry, Aunt Ragan, Grandma and Grandpa Power, Aunt Shannon and Lauren's cousin Holly were all in attendance. It was a whirlwind getting ready for it, but totally worth it and we all had such a great time. The weather was GORGEOUS. Here's to May birthdays.

Lauren eats outside with Dad under her Happy Birthday banner.

Everyone digs in: crudites, salad, Happy Gillis soup, pasta salad and curried chicken, egg salad and turkey sandwiches.

Aunt Arie and Great Grandma Erma take in some food on the back deck.

The group cake; Lauren had her own. This was my first foray into baking cakes and making frosting from scratch.

The cake progression. She is curious, excited, and frightened all at once.

Please notice that half of the cake is gone in the photo above.

The inside of the cake, in Lauren's nursery colors.

A very happy Mom after a piece of cake and several mimosas.

All of the excitement wore Lauren out, so she took a nap break with Grandma Power before opening presents.

This was the first time Lauren was really pumped about opening presents.

Golf clubs from Grandpa Auxter? Shocking.

Lauren and Terry take in a mellow moment after all of the festivities.

Sean and I still can't believe that Lauren is a year old. I know everyone says it, but it's so true, the first year flies by. As will the rest of the years, I'm sure. Lauren was an absolute doll at her party, especially considering the fact that we partied right through her normal nap time. It was great to have everyone around celebrating this huge first milestone. The older Lauren gets, the more of a "real" person she becomes, and we are having so much fun getting to know her and introducing her to the world. We had high expectations for parenthood, and it is so much better than we ever thought it could be.

We love you, Lauren Rebecca Power. And we always will. You are the most special gift, and we are so lucky that we get to show you this big crazy world. You are everything we thought you would be, and so so much more.

Lauren's First Haircut!

Recently, we decided it was time for Lauren to get her first hair cut. She has what we affectionately refer to as a "reverse mullet," which means that the hair in back never grows, but her hair in the front keeps getting longer and longer. Because we're not "bow" people, nor "ponytail on top of the head" people, and barrettes are a choking hazard, we had no choice but to finally cut Lauren's hair, or more accurately, to trim her bangs.

Sean's stylist had been asking if she could give Lauren her first hair cut, so off we went to Skyline Salon. Lauren is fancy.

Above, Sean's and Lauren's stylist, Emily

Sean took holding duties so I could take my place behind the camera.

Lauren did GREAT. No tears. Some attempted grabbing at the scissors, and head swinging, but no tears. Small victories.

Lauren, post hair cut, again able to see. Hello unobstructed world.
Let's be honest, how cute is that baby? Are you kidding me?

Our Best Friend Miller

This post is overdue. As most of you probably know, a little over two weeks ago we had to make the very hard decision to put Miller down. He had a rough winter, and we were holding out hope that it was just his arthritis, and that it seemed worse than usual because the winter was so long and so cold. But then spring came, and no relief. We called the vet on a Saturday morning to try to get him in, but they weren't able to get him in until Monday morning. By Sunday night he had very labored breathing and Sean took him in to the emergency room. We expected that he would have to stay overnight; what we did not expect was that the vet would tell us that Miller had cancer, that it was very far progressed, and that he might not make it through the night and was in a lot of pain. When Sean asked what the vet would do if it was his dog, he answered without a second thought "put him down."

It was a very hard decision for us to make. It was well after midnight, I was home with Lauren, and wanted to be there. And I didn't want Sean to be there by himself. But after much discussion, we decided it was the right thing to do, whatever that means. Sean sat with Miller, and we finally ended his pain.

Sean had Miller from the time he was just a little tiny puppy, 8 weeks old. He was with Sean through so many formative periods in his life, happy and sad. Miller was his constant. I only had the pleasure of meeting Miller in 2005, and then living with him since 2006. But I felt like he had been my dog forever. He was our child before we had Lauren, and for several years our family consisted of just the three of us. He was smelly, and gaseous, and annoying when food was around, but he was also sweet, loving and always there for us. When Lauren came along he was just as we'd hoped he'd be: tolerant and loving. He was Lauren's favorite person in the house; yes even to the exclusion of Sean and me.

The first week was especially hard for us, because it all felt so sudden, and because we weren't used to walking into an empty house. Lauren was confused, and looked for him everywhere, and pointed to the landing where he used to meet us when we came home, and asked "dah?" Luckily an infant's memory is short, and she has stopped looking for him. We said at first we didn't know which was sadder, her looking for him, or when she stopped looking for him because she'd forgotten that he was ever with us. I don't know if I can answer that question yet. And I like to think that she still remembers him, but has figured out that he isn't around anymore.

We are still having a rough time of it, but it is getting better, as all hurtful things do. Some day soon we hope that all we remember are the good times, and we are thankful for the years that he was with us, and the fact that we are much better people for having him in our lives. For right now, we still feel a little cheated, and miss him, and want him back so badly.

Here's a little tribute to Miller's and Lauren's life together, in pictures. We will miss you always, sweet boy.

Before Lauren's arrival: little did Miller know his world was about to be rocked.

Just as we'd hoped: Miller guards Lauren on her 2nd day home.

Miller, looking great and like he would live forever, on Lauren's first walk, 1 week old.

Miller was Lauren's constant companion on the floor.

It was a little more work to take Miller and Lauren with us everywhere,

but Miller was so appreciative.

Miller wasn't photographed as much after Lauren's arrival, but here he manages
to sneak into the shot.

Lauren and Miller enjoyed similar pasttimes, like looking out the window.
Lauren squealed, Miller barked.

Similarly, neither Miller nor Lauren enjoyed the baby gate.

I wish you could see him in this photo, it's too dark, but rest assured that when Lauren first ate spaghetti, and really any time that Lauren ate, Miller was close by.

In the morning, we bring Lauren to our bed to feed her. As soon as she was done eating, she would crawl to the side of the bed to look at and laugh at Miller.

Until we meet again, Miller Lorenzo Power. We love you always.

Trip to St. Louis

I've been a little slow on the posting lately. Many apologies. Sean and I have both been swamped at work, and since the weather has been nicer we are now spending our weekends outdoors, when possible. And several weekends ago we headed over to St. Louis to see Grandma and Grandpa Power for Easter. It was a long drive over, as we stopped in Jefferson City to pick up Sean's new bike from his favorite mechanic, and then at H&M outside St. Louis, which ended up being a bust, but hey, when you're in the "big city" (why don't you have an H&M Kansas City? Why?) you stop to shop. Lauren wasn't too happy about the trip. And by "not too happy" I mean that she screamed, at the top of her lungs, for over two hours. Miserable. Finally, 30 minutes from Grandma and Grandpa's, she fell asleep. Of course.

When in St. Louis, there are some things we must do. The first: get a "South Loop" pizza at Pi in the Loop. It's President Obama's favorite pizza place in the US, and he's from Chicago. It's that good.

If it's good enough for the President, it's good enough for Lauren.

As usual, it's not about the food for Lauren, but her surroundings.

The weekend we were in St. Louis, it was GORGEOUS. The weather was perfect. What to do on a perfect weekend in St. Louis? The St. Louis Zoo, people. It was packed. And amazing. I don't understand how this zoo is free.

Lauren was pretty into the bird cage, pictured above (with Sean and Grandma Power). She liked to point at the birds in the trees.

The day at the zoo ended as it should: with a nap. Looking at animals is exhausting.

We had a great time at Grandma and Grandpa Power's house for Easter. They watched her for us a couple of times so we could zip out to do, what else, more shopping, and she loved the great expanse of carpet in their house. Lauren isn't quite to the Easter egg hunting age yet, but we're looking forward to it for next year.

Fake Smile

Lauren isn't an overly smiley baby. In fact, we refer to her as our serious baby. She smiles, don't get me wrong, just not all the time. I take this as a sign of intelligence. Kind of like hey people, I'm not your monkey or your clown, I'm not going to go all googoo gaga just because I'm a baby. You have to earn my smile. Note: I take everything Lauren does as a sign of intelligence, so this doesn't mean much, except to me.

Anyway, this weekend we were at Grandma and Grandpa Power's house in St. Louis, and Lauren started fake smiling. I mean full out cheese, it was clear she didn't mean it, smiling. It's pretty hilarious, or at least to me, as is clear from my cackle at the end of this video.